Pointillist Portrait of A Repiglican Acquaintance

Astounding things She-swine said to me.

You'd love Bill O'Reilly. He has good, old fashioned common sense.
(I'd love to cut out his vocal cords)

No one who hasn't worked for a drug company is qualified to hold a post at the FDA.
(It is damn hard for me to understand that anyone can be this dumb.)

Health care is privilege, not a right.
(It is a privilege certain racist, small minded, simple thinking doctors from the competitive intellectual pool of Southern Illinois would extend only to wealthy white people, if only they had their druthers, darn it)

(Yep, medical treatments should not be made available to people who can't afford them, even if they make the difference between life and death. That's repiglican personal responsibility and planning! Then, rig the system so that fewer and fewer can afford health care.
They don't count Medicaid or Medicare recipients as uninsured, which makes the number of people insured through whatever privatization scheme they're running these days much smaller than is generally believed. And health care companies trading on the stock market, not medical malpractice lawsuits, have driven health care costs sky high. Such is repiglican morality. Such is repiglican fiscal management.)

While talking about campuses setting up safe zones for young women, "They need to set them up for middle aged men. They're the ones with all the responsibilities. They could use a bald head as their visual symbol."
(What power structure do they have on the planet you came from?)

I never had an orgasm until I was 42.
(You probably still haven't, not that you'd know the difference. In any case, stop talking about your sex life.)

If I had to sleep with a woman I'd throw up.
(What woman would have you? All the women I know would run screaming. And why are you so obsessed with lesbians? You talk about them all the time)

I go to mass every Sunday, if I'm not working.
(oh, how it shows, passive aggressive and smugly vicious one)

When I was a cheerleader in high school
(numerous times, from a woman in her forties.)

He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.
(about George Bush invading Iraq)

Otis looks so good staining the deck with his shirt off
(Otis has front butt, pointed teeth, crumbs in his beard, a huge nose, beady eyes, a flaking, bald scalp and a big right wing attitude. He also opposes zoning. What a freak daddy)

Otis gave me a real compliment when we talked to The Priest for his annulment meeting. The Priest asked him to say something he really liked about me and he said, 'She-Swine is ALWAYS a lady.'
(I wanted to say something obscene to that, but refrained. If you want to know what I wanted to say, you'll have to email me. Children may be reading this blog. Never mind. The only children reading this blog are in their 30s or 40s, possibly 50s and 60s, because no one but my friends reads the damn blog, so I will type the rude response I should have made aloud. I wanted to ask, straight faced, does that mean you always swallow?

His ex-wife is a lesbian.
(She isn't, of course, but in She-Swine's mind only a man hating lesbian would divorce her 2nd husband, the fortune hunting, righteous Hillbilly He-Man, Otis. By the way, she makes at least 3 times more than Otis she informed me. Otis has nothing saved and a so so job. She made him sign a pre-nup because she KNOWS he's looking for some security and R&R in old age. And she bought her own engagement ring with an enormous diamond in it, because Otis didn't have any money for such a big ring dang do.)

After months of expressing support for the illegal, immoral invasion and occupation of Iraq, She-Swine came to me and said Little Chop Off the Old Pork Butt is talking about enlisting in the marines, would I talk to him about how bad the war is?
Little Chop Off the Old Pork Butt is the product of a previous marriage, the one during which she never had an orgasm.
You should have fucked Old Pork Butt before you got married, idiot, like you did Sexual Superman Otis of the bald head and crumb filled beard.
(DRAFT YOUNG REPUBLICANS!)

This morning when I woke up I realized Otis had me while I was sleeping. I was so exhausted I didn't even wake up.
(This tale told to convey how hot she is, the man cannot lie beside her sleeping body without penetrating it.
I like my sex consensual, thank you, unless I've consented to play kinky games like Cosmonaut or WWF for an afternoon.)

Her big brother would pound him! Talking about Little Chop Off the Old Pork Butt and his sister, Whining anorexic.
Like all redneck girls, She Swine loves to see her men folk fight. It proves love to her.


Check back. I'll be adding to this list as time and recall allow.